Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Aftermath: My Blessing No 3

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Nearly a week ago, I was 7-8 weeks pregnant. It was relatively an easy pregnancy for me, no sickness and I enjoyed All-you-can-eat moment. And then, I had a miscarriage.

Last Thursday, Prof Hashim has confirmed that the sac has collapsed. For such case, there are a few possible workarounds includes medical management or a brief surgery known as D&C.

Prof sempat tanya kalau I ada makan since last night, malangnya (atau tidak malang sebenarnya) baru je lepas lunch masa otw ke hospital. Prof kata, kalau x makan lagi boleh buat D&C harini. Before D&C procedure nak kena puasa semalaman. Memandangkan condition saya masih okay, Prof suggest untuk naturally remove the sac/baby. So I was prescribed with Misoprostol to be orally taken within 5 days. Tapi risau jugak selepas ambil ubat kalau-kalau masih perlu buat D&C <insert icon pejam mata kuat-kuat here>

Day 1: Nervous jugak nak ambil ubat ni. Entah macamana sakit la nanti lepas makan. When I asked 'Macam period pain ke Prof?'. He replied 'Slightly more'
glup! 
Day 1 seems fine, bleeding masih normal. Cuma badan mula rasa sakit2 macam nak demam.

Day 2: Masih lagi bleeding yang normal pada awal paginya. Tapi badan makin aching, rasanya selepas bersalin pun tak rasa macam ni. I called kakak tukang urut, mujur dia dapat datang hari yang sama. Lepas urut badan rasa segar sikit and bleeding makin banyak. Lepas urut, I continue with tuam perut. I think that really helps, lebih lancar proses pengeluaran darah tersebut, I guess.

Day 3: Okay. Harini badan rasa sangat tak sihat. Tak tahu lah nak describe macamana, rasa nak demam pun ada. Lebih banyak bleeding and start keluar ketulan. That was a good sign. Tapi setiap kali nak keluar tu, perut bukan main cramp. At times rasa macam contraction. Tuam lagi. Dan kemudian duduk dalam toilet cuba teran. That helps as well. Masa teran barulah ketulan2 keluar. The whole day memang rasa tak sihat.

Day 4: Alhamdulillah I felt much better. Bleeding masih banyak tapi kurang pekat. Body was no longer aching. Masih teruskan tuam perut. Until one time I went to poo-poo, a big 'thing' came out and lepas tu betul2 lega. It was a relief and sad at the same time.

Day 5: Today. Pesan Prof, dah hari ke-5 pergi emergency scan untuk tengok kalau masih ada yang tertinggal.
Awal pagi tadi kami ke O&G Emergency HUKM. There are a few assessment yang diorang akan buat untuk pastikan it's a complete miscarriage.

1. Speculum test (excuse my term) untuk tengok kalau masih ada active bleeding.
2. Ultrasound scan to see the womb condition to see if any remnants of the pregnancy remain in the uterus.
3. Dan kalau ultrasound scan is unable to show clearer view, doctor will perform transvaginal scan.

For my case, there was no active bleeding, rahim dah tertutup/bercantum - it shows a straight line indicates no more sac in there. Bila buat VE, jalan di pangkal cervix pun dah tutup. Rupanya, 'jalan' terbuka semasa keguguran. 

I also had a complete miscarriage, which meant that I didn’t have to schedule a D&C. There were no baby bits left behind that needed scraping out.

Alhamdulillah.


While staring at the ultrasound of my empty uterus was sad and frustrating, my pregnancy has ended, no more babymoon - it also meant that my body was that much closer to “back to normal" and we're ready to Rock&Roll and keep trying! 

Bertenang.. Bertenang... Mommy ni penyabar orangnya ;p


I just hope I can quickly recover physically and emotionally.


Thursday, October 9, 2014

My Blessing No 3

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I've been waiting to write about my blessing no 3 since many weeks ago. I didn't have a chance until today. But the story that I intend to write at the first place has changed.

Sejak bersalinkan Umar, my menses didn't return. In a way, it's good for family planning :) tapi since dah more than a year, maybe we should be more cautious if we're not yet ready. Speaking about readiness, when can we be really ready? Bila orang tanya bila nak tambah, common answer 'biarlah dulu' sambil senyum kambing. Hehehe Tapi dalam hati, ada baby pun best. Dan bila terfikir bestnya ada baby, terfikir pulak commitment, energy, resources, time, financial yang kita currently ada to offer to that new baby. Buat kita ada second thought. Okay, takde dulu pun xpe. Kebiasaanya akan berbolak-balik, nak - tak nak, nampak baby rasa nak, bila badan penat anak2 buat hal, rasa tak jadi lah nak ;p

Until, the pregnancy test indicates double line, means positive, means you're pregnant, means ready or not here I come!

And the only feeling we have at that time is 'Excitement'. We wont care about readiness anymore :)

Hujung bulan 8, I always thought about being pregnant. I dont have sickness or nauseous yet and my period is due for 1 year and 7 months, so no indication at all. It's just I noticed I started to have a nice round belly and sometimes it's hard. Walaupun antara kemungkinan yang menyebabkan itu berlaku adalah hasil memakan tanpa henti rendang, lemang, nasi himpit masa hari raya, tapi macam ada instinct yang mungkin there's something inside.

I kept on delaying to check. On 4th September, i bought the pregnancy stick, went in to toilet, peed on it and the double lines were quickly appear. Red and clear.

Mulut terlopong. Kemudian, tergelak. Okay, ada nangis kegembiraan sikit. Overwhelmed.

I remember masa Amir, I did the test 3 days before period due, negative. And repeat a day before period due, positive but the line was not that clear.

Jadi agak-gaknya lines yg clear macamni dah berapa minggu lah gamaknya. That night, we went to clinic to scan. It was still very small, doctor assumed it was still 3-4 weeks. I was glad I detected that early so I wont miss to consume supplement required for early pregnancy :) So, this is it.. A mother of two and pregnant with the 3rd one. I am one happy mother.

The following week, 10th Sep I went for antenatal checkup at KKIA Batu 9, Cheras. The plan was first and 2nd trimester just pergi checkup at KKIA then only in my 3rd, we'll go and see my gynae at UKMSC. Cost-efficient.
During the checkup, doc has confirmed I was 4 weeks pregnant. We can't see any fetal echo just yet. I got another appointment one month later, 15 Oct.

I always curious how many weeks is my blessing no 3 already. 3 weeks after the last checkup, I went to a clinic because I was suffering from hemarroid. Sambil menyelam minum air, I request untuk buat scan sekali. The sac has grown, no fetal echo seen yet and the size was 6w0d. Doc cakap maybe memang masih kecil, it's normal to not see the fetus/heartbeat. 
Frankly, I was worried. Last 3 weeks, I was 4 weeks pregnant. But you know, I dont have last menstrual date jadi nothing can verify the most accurate week. Doc suggest I scan semula another week.
I walked to my car and .. burst. My previous pregnancies shown accurate week each week throughout the 9 months. We can see Amir's heartbeat at week 6, the size was 0.57cm. Through readings, there are cases they failed to see the baby at week 6 but weeks later they finally see the heartbeat. That helps to soothe me.
I contacted Prof Hashim, my gynae tru SMS, explained to him about situation amd asked if I can see him the next day. Within minutes, he replied 'Ok, pagi'
Such a relief. 

It took me quite awhile to drive home to pickup kids. It almost maghrib so I stopped at nearby surau. When I almost reach the babysitter house I got a call from my aunt, my uncle was nazak. And soon after that, we learnt that he has passed away. The very next morning we went back to my hometown and reschedule my appointment.

2 days after I went for last scan, 30th September, Prof Hashim has confirmed I am 6 weeks pregnant, the sac looks fine and he can actually see the baby still very small which I can't barely see it ;p
Prof presribed me with Duphaston, hope akan membantu kuatkan rahim. And will see Prof again in two weeks time - mommy can't wait to see your heartbeat!

The week after, which is last Monday. Umar was admitted to KPJ Kajang due to bronchopneumonia. Luckily nothing s serious, he can be discharged three days after. Wednesday morning, 8th October, I found blood spot. Hati runtuh. Since Ami was around and boleh babysit our kids, I took cab to Emergency Hosp Kajang.

At the general emergency department, they scan and one of the doctors said it's too small for 6-7 weeks but he saw the heartbeat. Senang hati mommy. Later, they brought me to klinik O&G. *At HUKM, you can go directly go to emergency O&G. Lebih mudah.

Di Klinik O&G the checked and confirmed no active bleeding. Lagi senang hati. Kemudian, buat transvaginal ultrasound so we can get more accurate reading.
And it shows, the pregnancy was 6w0d and no heartbeat at all. Sebahagian hati runtuh lagi. Since kes ini cuma blood spot, dan pregnancy baru 5-6 mggu pada mereka, saya disarankan datang seminggu lagi atau bila lebih banyak darah keluar. *kalau mengikut calculation saya; sekiranya sekarang memang saya 6 mggu pregnant adakah maksudnya masa saya buat test awal bulan lepas saya 0-1 week pregnant? Impossible.
Takpelah kita jumpa lagi seminggu. 

Selesai urusan discharge Umar pada haritu, we were finally home. Unpack bags, kemas rumah sikit2. I noticed makin bleeding. They were not spots anymore. Get an appointment with Prof Hashim for the next day.

Since dah cuti 2 hari sebab jaga Umar, Khamis pagi, 9th October I went to conduct my lecture, buat class ararngement for Friday (today) and the following week in case I'll be on medical leave. I rushed to do a number of things before 1pm, kalau boleh nak jumpa Prof seawal pukul 2pm. Perut makin cramp and I was still bleeding. Around 1-ish baru betul2 setel, packed my bags and ready to go. But I just can't. I know I wont have the baby. Stucked at my desk.  I cried. I hold back my feelings for too long. Tapi nak buat macamana kan, itulah dia yang berlaku. Takpelah nangis kejap, jap lagi berhenti and I'll continue walking.
Once done, drove myself to UKMSC.

Nearly 3pm, baru dapat jumpa Prof. Bila scan, it's confirmed the sac has collapsed. Prof suggest makan ubat untuk jatuhkan sac, mungkin tak perlu buat D&C. Next week pergi scan untuk confirm if the womb is clear. Okay Prof! I expected this to happen, sedih tapi xpelah.

Kemudian I sat near to pharmacy counter. They called my name and explained how to take the medication. The moment he passed the medication to me, I broke down again. Cemas kejap pharmacist tu, sian dia. Hahaha
I walked out but could not walk far. I sat again at the bench outside clinic, cover my face with my tudung and here we go clearing lungs and tears again. It's official that I had a miscarriage.

Allah knows better. He has a better plan for us. I told Amir last night that there's no more baby in my tummy. He hugged mommy and sambung main hehehe

The fact that my child is waiting for me in Jannah, the happiness that Allah lend to us for the past month, the feeling of waking up every morning with reasons - i'm expecting a baby, will see him/her soon in 7 months :- Ini semua pun rezeki. After all, I'm sincerely grateful atas apa yang berlaku. Certain things we have to let go while many others we still have the chance to keep.

First ultrasound to confirm pregnancy, 3-4 weeks.

The last seen sac at 6 weeks.

I found this since my first pregnancy, such a beautiful quote.

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيم

1 comments
Allahuakbar.


Dasat jugak kemalasan mommy ni.


Quick Update:

1. Amir & Umar semakin membesar, ceneke (bahasa n9), loya buruk dan sebagainya.
2. Mommy makin mengecil (as of today).
3. Baba maintain slim.
4. Kami ialah 4 sekawan yang tido sekatil, kemana2 berempat.
5. Progress study mommy; kalau ikut kata supervisor - takde lah cepat sangat, ada jugak delay.
Tapi saya rasa okay je, ada progress what.... slow doesn't matter. Keh keh keh





and the most recent one ...


Amir makin susah nak ambil gambar. No more gambar yang dia senyum sweet-sweet gitu.


Tapi mommy tak kisah.



Sekarang mommy ada yang ini ......



Umar, pun handal jugak dia senyum masa orang ambil gambar.










I wish to write more since there will be more and more interesting journey with my husband and kids :)

Monday, March 31, 2014

I wish ...,

2 comments
I wish to post more entries.


Please gimme 3 more months.

Ugh!

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

First time at school - Amir Hidayat Syah

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Finally, Amir dah ke school yang 'takde mommy'.

Risaukan anak yg manja ni tak dpt biasakan diri di school nanti, tak berapa friendly dan kurang sosial, mommy hantar Amir ke playgroup.

He enjoyed school and learning time so much! Tapi bila cakap nanti pergi school sendiri, dia sibuk cakap nak mommy ada.

Memandangkan next year dah nak masuk 4 tahun, mommy rasa it's time for him to go to school. So mommy pun enroll Amir ke school walaupun masih Disember, supaya Amir dapat biasakan diri. Lagipun sekarang aktiviti di school masih free and easy.

Hari pertama nak ke school, mommy and baba siap cuti macam nak hantar ke asrama. Amir sangat excited, furthermore geng dia ada, Affan.

Bila sampai school teacher ajak masuk classroom while parents tunggu luar kelas. Bila dengar suara diorang tengah enjoy kelas, kami pun senyap2 keluar dari school.

Hampir 12 tghhari kami datang semula, Amir tengah syok buat artwork dengan teacher.


Excited Amir nampak mommy and showed his puppet. Senang hati mommy tengok Amir tak nangis ....


Rupanya ....

Bila class break at 10am, Amir keluar class and tengok mommy takde, Amir pun jerit 'Mommy!' Lol

Teacher pujuk dia kata Amir good boy. Amir jawab 'Amir tak good boy' sambil menangis.

Cerita version Amir pulak "Tadi masa Amir keluar, Amir kejut (terkejut) tengok mommy takde" sambil senyum kambing. Amir tak banyak confess pasal dia nangis, which is good, mesti dia tau yang itu is unnecessary.

Aduhai, tp oklah dia masih boleh dipujuk. Cuak jugak kalau esoknya dia tak nak ke school.


Tapi esoknya Amir masih nak ke school. Especially bila dia teringat aktiviti kat school. He kept telling us pasal school.

2nd day ...


Happy!

Tapi masa nak naik tangga dia sempat cakap "Amir nak mommy ada" Alololo

Since dia dah tau yang mommy akan tinggalkan dia, jadi dia sentiasa berjaga2 dan duduk rapat dengan mommy.

Mommy tunggu kat luar kelas, dia pun sibuk ikut. Sebab I tak nak dia miss apa yang tengah belajar, mommy pun ikut Amir masuk kelas.


Bila mommy teman dia dalam classroom, dia enjoy buat coloring


Siannye. Tapi nak buat camana. So finally mommy keluar juga masa dia nangis2 and cikgu terpaksa dukung.

Amir nangis and cakap 'Amir nak mommy.. Amir nak mommy, Amir small lagi'

Cepat2 mommy turun dan masuk kereta. Tapi nak start enjin kereta berat je rasa. Haish, mcm drama. Tapi inilah akibatnya bila hati tak berapa nak kering.

Terus ke office, sort out kerja, sempatlah setelkan satu kerja yang urgent dan pukul 11 dah bergegas nak ke school amir semula. Jauh lebih awal dari waktu yang sepatutnya sbb risaukan Amir.

Masa mommy sampai, dengar suara Amir tengah main calling2. 'Hello siapa tu? Mommy ke? Mommy kat mana?'

Alahai, touching.


Tak lama lepas tu Amir keluar and surprised mommy dah ada. Yeayy!

Hug mommy and sambung main dengan friends.



Amir, amir .. Mommy loves u so much.

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Hari Keputeraan Tok Janggut Ke-68

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Hari jadi Tok Janggut falls on 6th December. Dah 68 usia Tok Janggut tapi tetap maintain 10 years younger.

Maka kami adik beradik plan untuk celebrate birthday Tok Janggut sabtu malam.


Birthday Boy.

Tersipu-sipu pulak dia bila restaurant pasang lagu Happy Birthday dan kami nyanyi ramai-ramai.

Beta rasa yang hujung sekali belah kiri tu puteri kesayangan Tok Janggut.

The youngest cucu, yang ke 14 dan 15.

Dulu masa Feera and Athira baby, Ciknor tolong jaga, sekarang diorang pulak jagakan baby Ciknor. Susah-susah ajew...

Budak comel berdua, beza 15 hari.


Ayah saya seperti kebanyakkan bapa pada era 80-90 an, merupakan ayah yang garang dan mementingkan pendidikan. Cuti sekolah pun kena baca buku, ada kenduri saudara ramai balik pun still kena baca buku. Ayah kata dia tak nak anak2 kerja kecil macam dia.

Kena marah itu biasa, kena lempang dan rotan pun pernah juga. Jujurnya, terkesan juga di hati walaupun memang kita yang buat silap. Dalam keadaan emak pun dah takde, takde tempat nak mengadu, tersimpan lama juga rasa sedih dan dendam.

Bila dapat masuk asrama, sampai masuk Universiti dan duduk di luar. Rasa FREE! Takde siapa nak membebel dan paksa baca buku lagi! 

Tapi bila mula bekerja (mungkin sedikit dewasa), terngiang-ngiang pesanan mak malam sebelum mak meninggal. 

"Nanti jaga ayah."


Masatu darjah 6, apelah aku faham pesanan tu kan. Ayah lah kena jaga kita kan, dia kan dah besar.

Rupanya bila ayah dah tua, kita pulak dah besar, kita lah kena jaga ayah.

Tapi belum sempurna lagi jaga ayah. So far memang dia boleh jaga diri sendiri hehe Tak pernah susahkan anak-anak. Pergi Haji duit sendiri, beli kereta duit sendiri. Cuma mintak duit sekali sekala nak buat spek baru, tukar tayar baru, cabut gigi hehehe walhal dia confirm mampu bayar sendiri.

Semoga ayah panjang umur dan diberikan kesihatan. Ayah orang yang beriya-iya suruh sambung PhD, kalau boleh masih mahu ayah ada masa majlis konvo nanti. Insha allah.




First thing first, kena lah siapkan research yang progressing but extremely slow ni, barula cite konvo. Ugh! Pressure!


Thursday, December 5, 2013

Baby stuffs warehouse sale by childhood basic marketing (6-8 dec)

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My favorite sale is back!!


Previous year dia buat 2 tahun sekali, this year dia buat in December je.. Penat mak tunggu.



Brands yang ada mcm tertera dalam gambar di atas, cuma tak perasan pulak ada Barbie and Hotwheels. Macam takde je..


My aim Vtech toys. Anak2 pun dah beso dan time ni lah toys Vtech murah gel. Barang newborn macam bright stars, babylove pun banyak dan murah2. Cuma kali ni tak fokus kepada mereka.

Basically toys Vtech yang biasanya 150-200 and above, kat sale ni harganya bawah 100. Roughyly sale nya at least 40%, kebanyakkannya 50%, kalau bernasib baik dapat 70%.



Whirle yang harga biasanya ialah RM69.90, harga luar biasanya semasa sale ini ialah RM15. Boleh beli 4.



Suitable for 1-4 years old.

Dan yang paling menarik ialah dapat safety gate yang harga asalnya RM199.90, harga barunya pula cuma RM60. Sebat 2 ketoi.


Pukul 11 lebih, dah habis menatang ni

So antara toys Vtech yang ada ....


RM100

Fisher price ride-on RM50


Laptop RM40

RM60


RM45

RM25

RM50

Flying ring RM5

First Step baby walker RM60. Last piece at 10.40am! Sebaik dapat.



Bumbo seat for only RM70. Sekejap je hilang dari pandangan.


Catch of the day! But not all mine hehe tumpang seronok belikan untuk kawan-kawan.


Amir and Umar were so excited they thought today it's their birthday.




Must go!

Mommies Commitee

 

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